A divorced couple does not surely mean a broken family. It simply implies that the couple has separated and in order for each parent to maintain a positive relationship with their child, they need to set few co-parenting rules. These can include talking about what is best for the child, being a team player and compromise with one another.
When divorcing partners are able to set rules together and follow them, no matter how much they may disagree with each other on other topics, it will lead to better relationships between themselves which in turn will be good for their child as well.
Parenting after a separation-
A parent can turn out to be a victim more than a victor after a separation. Children need both parents in their life, and if they are separated, they may think that one of the two is not there for them or is not interested in them anymore.
They have to learn how to understand the changes that come after a separation by themselves and by understanding what each parent has to offer.
What is Co-Parenting?
Co-parenting is the act of dealing with one another and raising a child as a strong team, where both parents are able to exhibit their own strengths while working together.
Being co-parenting is more than being just involved in the same house, dividing up the work and counting the days when one parent has the weekend off. It also involves communication with each other that will help understand each other better as well.
There should be healthy discussions when something happens, not just when things are okay. Most importantly, both parents should come together and create a strong bond with their children.
9 Co-Parenting Rules For Divorced Couples
The significant of Co-parenting is more essential than you can imagine. The sole purpose of co-parenting is to do what is right and best for the child regardless of how you feel about each other.
Being considerate and understanding by not just thinking about yourselves but also thinking about your child, making sure that you are on their side at all times.
1. Put your pain and anger aside:
The important thing is to make your child feel that you are there for them. It is very hard for the children to understand why the parents are fighting and they always just want their parents to be happy together.
They need you to be there for them without any tension of any kind.
Co-parenting rules suggest that you put the pain and anger aside and talk about what is best for the child. Do not try to retaliate. Just give them support as a team.
That’s why one of the good co-parenting rules is to learn how to bottle up all your anger and instead of letting it out.
2. Don’t drag your children into your issues:
Parents, those children in the house are your kids. They are not your messengers.
They are not supposed to be the targets of your anger. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. You need to get your self-esteem back and let yourself be a family again.
If you don’t, instead of working as a team, you will get stuck and mess up all the progress already made. Your child deserve the love of both their parents so they feel safe and protected, rather than feeling like their love is being taken away.
3. Communicate more with each other:
Once you have a clear plan of what to do, the next step is to communicate before doing it. You doesn’t need to talk about your past or anything that went wrong, but you do need to communicate with each other about stuffs that matter.
The problem with people who are trying to divorce with kids is that they sometimes think they don’t need to communicate anymore. But divorce itself requires communication from both sides.
You need to talk about the future or the plan for a child, or even how you are going to take care of your children. And if you don’t communicate, your child will feel it and become confused about what is happening.
They will feel as if they are no longer important to both their parents, which won’t help them adjust better after a divorce happens.
Also have a look at the Guide To A Parenting Communication
4. Do not take important decisions without consulting each other:
This is a very common mistake and one of the main reasons behind most of the family feuds.
If both parents are able to take important decisions in unison, then this will help children adjust better to the changes. It can be divided into 3 parts:
1. Decisions related to parenting:
A lot of complications arise when parents have different views on how children should be raised. Therefore, it is extremely important that before making any decisions related to children, both parents consult each other and make sure there is no disagreement between them.
2. Decisions related to the children:
When it comes to the children, both parents have equal rights. Therefore, it is also necessary that both parents consult each other before making any decision related to the children.
3. Financial decisions:
Both parents should agree on how money should be spent for their child’s benefit and which expenditure is going to help them in long run.
If there is no consultation regarding this matter, then most of the times there will be arguments between them because of just financial issues and children will suffer because of it.
So if you want your kids to grow with a happy and healthy life, then you need to be on the same page in matters involving finances.
5.Don’t lie to your children about future relationships:
Both parents should always tell the truth to their children with respect to their future relationships. The children can get hurt and confused with regards to what is happening in their lives if parents do not make sure they are telling the truth.
They need to be prepared for it and understand what is going on.
Sometimes a child becomes happy about it (because they think they will have their parents’ attention more than before) and sometimes kids will feel disappointed or hurt. This is why parents should always be honest with their children.
If you do this then your children will never get the idea that any new person in your life is replacing them.
6. Support each other’s roles as parents of the children:
Even if you have a fight with your partners, you need to support their roles as parents of their children. This will help them adjust better when the divorce happens and they will easily understand what they need to do.
In case both parents want a divorce, then both parents need to decide about where the children are going to live.
The other important thing is how the two parents can make sure that the kids are taken care of in different ways. They should also focus on what is most important for the kids so it does not get too much difficult for them later on.
7. Acknowledge your children’s concerns:
Children often feel critical about their parents and that is why they are often unable to express their problems. Parents need to be aware of this and acknowledge their children’s concerns.
If the children have any issue which is too hard for them to handle, then parents should find a way to handle it without hurting the child.
They can easily help the child if they take into account how the child feels. Also you can practice the healthy co-parenting rules instead.
8. Don’t fret from compromising sometimes:
Sometimes, both parents will regret for having a fight with the other.
They might feel depressed, frustrated or disappointed about such a state. But this cannot be always avoided because when it comes to relationships, parents have to take a hard decision either way.
Sometimes they will regret it soon after but sometimes they will not if the overall situation is great enough. Parents should always respect partner even if they are not agreeing with on some issues.
It is also good for the kids because they will feel that their parents care for them. And if they get to know that there is something that they can compromise on, then they will learn from it and grow up as mature people who handle things in life with maturity and positivity.
9. Quality time over quantity time:
Parents while co-parenting should always try to spend quality time with your kids. Even if they don’t have a fight with there other half, they need to focus on quality time with the children.
This will help them to understand how important it is for them to have parents and how much they love their parents. This will let them show their appreciation as well because they know that you are there for them when they need the most.